I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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