i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
