And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
