I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
