Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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