wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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