i was born a porn star she said
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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