This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
