Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
