And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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