Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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