I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
