i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
