Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
