Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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