The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
