There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
