gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
