I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
