Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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