Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
