well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I stole a fireplace last night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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