he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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