oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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