he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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