They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
