The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is wine microwaveable?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
