piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize