I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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