I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
