i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
