Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
