wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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