I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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