Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
