I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
