i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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