We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
