So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
