you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Never let your siblings swipe right.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
