new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
