I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
and you fell through a lawn chair
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
