I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
