apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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