Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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