Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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