i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
