I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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