He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
