Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
