I just threw up on my dentist
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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