Having a random hookup so left but love u
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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