I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
