so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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