Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
