I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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