i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
