wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
