Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
