My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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