you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
