Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
