why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When did angry sex become our thing?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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