omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
