He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
