I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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