I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
