I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
