I think I died a long time ago.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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