when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
