Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
All the doctor said was why
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize