I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
