he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
