Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
