Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
