the condom got lost in my hair
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
