I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
