did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
