im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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