dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
