Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
