The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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