i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
