we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
