fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
