He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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