drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
