I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
