I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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