Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize