So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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