you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Houston, we have a squirter
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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