this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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