Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize