I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize