NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
