Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
