Is it normal to miss your booty call?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
