What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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