Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
