i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
