Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Never underestimate the power of titties
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
