Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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