i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize