This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
