Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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