I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
