Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
